Are Men REALLY Trash?

July 17, 2017 Aisha Begum

Alright, as much as I used to be a crusader for the "not all men are trash" team, I have to turn in my jersey.

Now, don't assume that I'm just going to sit here and bash men (for no reason). A lot of people assume that the reason women tweet out and yell "niggas ain't shit" or "men are trash" often is because they've been played or cheated on. Quite the contrary. I think many women have been able to understand the follies of dating and have moved on to other issues with men that are undeniable - other than the ever present ability to be promiscuous and hurt feelings without a batting of an eyelash from their own sex or the opposite sex.

Men honestly are a huge threat to humanity simply because they're just that - a threat. Men are aggressive, emotional, homophobic, judgmental, silencing and often times daft when it comes to issues that women may face because of them or other societal blockades. Would you like me to basically break this down? I know you would.

Let me simply get into the idea of why men can be considered trash based off of their aggressive nature. Women all over are scared of men simply based off of not knowing if when they say "no" to the man at the bar, or tell a man "no" in the bedroom that he won't lash out verbally and physically.

Let me go into a quick story of this past weekend with some girlfriends of mine:

It was roughly 9pm and we were minding our business, getting ready to go out for a night of fun in the apartment lobby, then a group of college football players marched up to us. Of course, they seemed to try to be cordial at first, but after being turned down, ignored, told someone had a boyfriend - they pressed on and even started surrounding us. After some back and forth, I got a pair of keys shoved near my face so I could see the Mercedes emblem so I knew that I wasn't just dealing with some 'regular nigga'. One told us to constantly 'google him' because we were missing out on someone important. *yawn*

Once our Uber arrived, we heard the insults begin.

"Y'all ugly anyways, all of y'all some ducks. Fuck y'all, that's why y'all are taking an uber. You guys not even that fine to be so rude."

We chose not to retaliate, but to get in the Uber. Then, I saw that they were approaching us for some reason. As we get into the Uber, they start to throw construction cones into the street in front of our car to stop us from moving forward, and continue to hurl pointless insults our way getting near the uber. All we could do was sit there in confusion and shake our heads. Why? Why did things have to even go this far? All we said was 'no, thank you.'

So, you tell me - are men really trash or is this an isolated incident? Don't worry, I'll answer that: Men are, indeed, trash. Not just because of this incident, but because of the countless ones that many women could probably tell you similar to this on any scale.

But, if that doesn't trigger any response, maybe I can help give you a few more reasons why men are considered trash.

Masculinity is so fragile

Women are made out to be these fragile creatures with emotions that can't be controlled, when in reality so many men have aggression issues that can be triggered from simply turning them down. I've seen friends pushed, punched, muffed, cursed at, or insulted simply because they told a man they weren't interested. Ask a woman how many times she lashed out on a man that she even had the courage to approach first? You probably won't hear too many. We take our L's in silence.

Ask women who had to work with or deal with men who they told they weren't interested in, and watch how you'll hear stories of the man lashing out and instilling their "macho man" act in the workplace or overriding that woman's ideas. Women are considered to be petty, but trust me - men have a petty bone. Do one thing that hurts their feelings and you may either get insulted or physically harmed. It's scary.

Not only does this apply to women hurting feelings, but to the idea of sexuality as a whole. Men are a threat to gay men, trans women, and the like. Your masculinity is so fragile that you can’t even allow other people to live their own life near you. You would fight a gay man, simply for being gay. You would also lash out on a trans woman for even being honest and telling you that she is trans. We excuse this behavior as applauding a man for “being a man”. This is not manly; it’s sad.

Men are often aggressive with no qualms in being so because it's considered "masculine". But when your masculinity is portrayed as just being harmful to other human beings, is that really worth being? I can't fathom that masculinity and manhood means being excused for abusive behavior.

You Don't Respect Yourself, Why Should I?

Here's another reason why men are trash. You want a woman who is a freak in the sheets, but a lady in the streets, yet you don't want a woman with too much skill because if she has any skill she's a ho; You can't have a ho. Whatever that is.

You're quick to judge a woman for what she has on, so much so that you also think that because a woman may wear a shorter skirt or want to have cleavage that she is ASKING to be touched on by you, or that she may even deserve to be sexually assaulted by you later that night. Not everything is about you. She doesn't always pick her outfits for you. Who even ARE you? And what does what I put on have to do with you?

Aside from this, you assume that any sexual activity or appearance measures a woman's respect level for herself. So, you have 20 partners, and if she does, too, she has no respect for herself, but you do, right? And if she wears that tight fitting dress, she can't possibly love herself? So, this means you can violate her space?

Let's leave the slut shaming at home, guys (and women).

Men Are Naturally Sexual Beasts

I think we all love sex, right? So, why is it that a woman has to tone down things she may wear, say, or do just to keep a man at bay? Why is it that men are so creepy that they'll prowl after a 12 year old because she's "got a woman's body"? Y'all don't find that any bit off? Men will justify them preying on a minor by simply saying "she shouldn't be looking like that" or "she didn't look 15". You have got to be kidding me. You know as soon as a child opens their mouth to even speak, there's nothing worth getting deep about.

The problem here is that men would rather have a younger girl just so he can mold her mind. He doesn't want to deal with an actual mature woman, so you see him prowling around a college scene, or even dating a girl who just hit 18. Let's be honest. Think back to some of the shit as a woman that you let fly in your earlier years. Would you honestly let that shit fly now? So, do you really think that a man at 27 is truly looking at an 18 year old because of her maturity levels and her smarts? Doubt it.

The idea behind having to shield our little girls in our families from uncles and other men is just sad. From a young age I've always been told to put on some long pants or a long shirt because "there are men in the house". Why do you think that was said? Not just to "respect myself", but because apparently men have absolutely no self control or care about 1. my age 2. my body 3. the relationship. Men hide behind the idea that they are naturally sex-driven, as if men and women aren't both classified as mammals who both like sex for pleasure. It's gross. Have some self-control.

Not All Men Are Trash

Okay, so you've read this and you are angry because this doesn't apply to you. Well, here's the problem, this does apply to you. You are so quick to tell a woman that you aren't like other men, or that not all men are trash, yet you won't go to the lengths of checking your homeboy who does these things or says these things. If you sit around and speak ill about women the same way they do, then you, too, just might be trash. If you can sit there and let your homeboy or another man go off and hit a woman or push her out the way at a bar and feel fine about it - you're trash.

You are trash, just the same, because you'd rather let him be aggressive for no reason and excuse it by saying, "that ain't none of my business". You're trash because you think that by saying "not all men are trash" you're making the situation better. You're not. You're just silencing the women who have experienced these issues and basically not acknowledging the validity of it. You want her to shut up about it, because you don't want to hear it.

You are probably not as bad as said man, but you are still trash.

What Now?

I could go on and add so much more about patriarchy and how men are a huge cause for women hating themselves and each other, but we will be here all day. At the end of it all, I just want you to acknowledge that yes, men are trash and you CAN do your part to rectify this issue.

Many men claim they don't want daughters simply based off of knowing these things are true and how harmful men can be to women. If you know that these things exist stop allowing other men to continue to create harmful spaces for your women. Protect the Black woman as much as the Black woman tries to fend for you. Stop having sons so you can teach them the same toxic ways of loving and handling himself. Do better.

Stop being trash.

- Begum, Over and Out! ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)