Reclaim Your Time From F**k Boys

August 4, 2017 Aisha Begum

Dear F-boys and F-girls of the universe,

Stop wasting motherf***ers' time. Time is precious and so is someone's sanity. You know when you are unavailable, you know when you have no serious intentions for somebody yet you still decide to bring your happy asses into someone's life just to f*** shit up and leave. Why? Do you catch a thrill from it? Does it give you an adrenaline rush to toy with peoples' time and tug around on their heart strings? Is the sound of their heart breaking sweet music to you? Do you just have an affinity to raw sexual encounters, but no cares for raw emotions? Are you just that broken that you don't want anybody else to be whole again?

Basically, the question has been posed: Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?

I'll wait. *looks around*

Didn't think you'd have an answer, because you never really do - do you?

I'm here to ask all of you who are dating, why you decide to put yourself and others at risk of heartbreak constantly if you know you aren't ready to actually commit to something? We walk around a lot of the time acting as if we really know what we want, but we don't. People claim that it takes time to really get to know if someone is worth your efforts, but let's be real: you know within the first week or so if someone is even worth a damn to keep communicating with. Issa vibe. Stop running around with this narrative that you have to test drive a person for months before you realize there's a defect in your compatibility. Stop pretending that you're okay and you've healed from your last rendevouz before you interact with another person. People are worth more than a rebound, and so are you. If you know you're unavailable - be unavailable.

It really isn't fair for you to hop into someone's life knowing you aren't really whole on your own. If you have shit that needs fixing - fix that shit. It's nobody else's job to make you feel better about you, or to distract you from the things you need to get through on your own. You're bringing toxicity into someone's life and you'll only cause more bad juju for yourself in the long run. I think people need to really sit back and find out what it is they even want out of people. Do you want company? Do you want real connections? Do you want just sex? Whatever it is: say that and be upfront. It's the other person's prerogative to want to commit to what you want after that. Stop forcing people into situations they weren't signing up for. Communicate. If you don't really want someone for the long haul, and you're just out here trying to fuck away some feelings - say that. Just look them in the eyes and let them know that you're here for a good time, not a long time. Yeah, things might not go as smoothly all the time, but it sure beats 4 months of lies, and 6 months of heartbreak that you leave that person to deal with.

It's time to stop avoiding the hurt that we feel after we deal with someone and work through those emotions successfully before embarking on something new. Stop freeze drying and storing the pain as if it's supposed to just disappear. Sooner or later, that shit will thaw and you'll have to deal with it all at once. It's okay to have feelings, it's okay to be hurt by someone. It's NOT okay to use someone else to get over things, and it's not okay to hurt others just because you're hurt.

Hurt people hurt people. Change the narrative. Stop wasting people's time.

For those who have been hurt, or are hurting - stop letting these people into your world. You're worth more. You know when something seems like a bad idea; there's no FOMO (fear of missing out). You've been hurt, you know what that feels like, so stop putting yourself into these situations. Tell these people you have no wants for their bullshit and that you're reclaiming your time.

- Begum, Over and Out! ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)